


old habits die hard, and some don't die at all

by writingjade



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1940s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hydra (Marvel), Light Angst, M/M, Natasha Romanov Feels, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, POV Alternating, Red Room (Marvel), Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingjade/pseuds/writingjade
Summary: Steve can't forget Bucky. Natasha remembers James. The Winter Soldier doesn't know either of them.Steve has Natasha, and Natasha has Steve. They both are waiting forhimto come and fill the open spot for them.





	old habits die hard, and some don't die at all

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this totally disregards Civil War and some points in The Winter Soldier. I also gave buckynat some history because I love them and it helped build this one shot. It kind of builds up to current times, it starts with 1940s stucky, then buckynat, then present(ish) romanogers and so on. And i guess the stuff that happened in the past would be in italics because i said so :)
> 
> Also, this was for an anon who ask for stevenatbucky on my [tumblr](https://tipsytonys.tumblr.com/) <3000

_ This has been happening for a really long time now, Bucky trying to get Steve to go out with someone while he goes off with another girl. This time Bucky is saving Steve from yet another back alley brawl. And only this time, Steve is willing to try something new in this conversation. _

_ “Come on Stevie, please? For me?” Bucky’s pleading eyes looked down into Steve's. _

_ “Damn it, you are not allowed to use your charm on me. No I will not go to the movies with some dame you choose for me. I don't want her.” he told Bucky, his arms were crossed and his jaw set in his stubborn look that showed he was determined. Bucky just stood there. _

_ “Well what d'ya want then?” _

_ “You damn well know what I want. You’ve known me all your stupid wasted life. How could you not know by now?” Steve replied, turning around and stomping off away from the alleyway Bucky just saved him from. The brunette sighing and running to catch up with Steve. _

_ “Stevie,” Bucky said cautiously, dragging him into another nearby alley (this time with no one to beat up Steve) “I want to stay with ya, you know that right. I’ll cancel her okay we can stay in your room tonight. But your gonna have to explain. I don't know what you want.” _

_ “Why do you keep trying to set me up with these dames?” he asked, he was clearly frustrated and his eyes showing his hurt. “Your not making it easy, just let me down slowly. You don't need to set me up they wont be good enough.” and he was stomping off again to his apartment hoping Bucky wasn't following him. Though he was praying that he would come by later. _

* * *

_ “Hey Stevie? I know you are in there.” Bucky’s happy voice rang through the door and Steve jumped up as fast as he could without giving himself a heart attack. He was at the door fast that he could blink and throwing it open to see Bucky standing there, his hair fluffed up and a goofy smile on his face. _

_ “I was hoping you would actually come by. Sorry for snapping at ya.” Steve said letting his best friend in through the door. _

_ “Its fine.” Bucky waved him off and sat beside him on the couch. “I want to know though,” he asked running a hand through his hair. “What was it that you wanted? I actually don't know.” _

_ “Of course you don't.” Steve said bringing his knees up to his chest. “I don't think I could tell you without something bad happening.” his breaths were getting messy and his heart rate definitely raised from nervousness. And Bucky being Bucky, started to assure him that he wouldn't get mad or do anything. _

_ “I will love your punk ass no matter what. You can trust me, I swear Stevie.” he assured him placing a hand softly on his shoulder. _

_ Steve didn't know what to say, he forgot what to say. All he could remember was that two things and a short conversation later led to him hugging Bucky and the two slotting their mouths together in a very late delayed kiss. _

_ It was sweet, it was late, it was early, it was precious, it was private and it was theirs. It was also the first of many. _

* * *

_ The room was cold, the wrestling ring was beat up, as were the people who were just sparing in the center of it. A crowd of instructors surrounding the ring watching the two subject kick and punch at each other. They had an impressive rhythm, in tune to a song it looked like a dance that wouldn't stop. Red hair flying and mixing with a head of dark hair on a man with a metal arm. The girl swung a kick up to the mans face and he caught it with his metal arm and pulled it down causing the girl to lose balance. She however, jumped on her other leg and wrapped it around the man's neck and brought them both to the ground banging their heads on the rough flooring of the wrestling ring. _

_ “Enough!” a loud woman's voice boomed throughout the room. “Go wrap any wounds and be out here ready again in one minute. A threat doesn't wait and neither will I.” she finished before waving her hand and sending a rather tall man after the two to stand outside of the dirty change room. The two assassins made their way in and quickly wrapped each others wounds without speaking or making any other contact. _

_ “Im sorry Natalia.” James said pulling her hair behind her shoulders and pulling it up into a ponytail after cleaning a cut on her face. _

_ “You have no reason to apologize James. It doesn't matter, the more we break each other, the more time we have to do this.” she replied standing up off of the bench and looking into James’ eyes. They gave her chills every time she made eye contact and the light blue reminded her of the iced pond where their first mission together was. The first time after months of training they had their first conversation. _

_ “I wish it wasn't like this.” he told Natalia looking down into the emerald of her eyes and holding her hand. _

_ “It wont, we can run away. It will be better James.” Natalia returned. She intertwined their fingers and brought their hands up close to their chests. _

_ “Something tells me that they will find out I can speak, and do this. Then they will rip us apart.” he told her sorrowfully. His eyes were filled with sadness and regret for what he has been made to do. “I just want this to last Natalia.” _

_ “James, nothing lasts forever.” she said before getting up on her toes and bringing their lips together in a slow, sweet kiss. James brought his hand up to cup her chin and make the delicate moment last. But just like Natalia said, nothing lasts forever. _

_ Soon they were called back out onto the mats and each given a punishment for taking too long. _

  
  


_ I><I><I><I><I><I><I><I _

_ Eventually, they were caught. No matter how careful they were. And because of this they both forgot about each other and pushed their separate ways. They didn't want to forget, but even they could not overcome the machines that can take away precious fragments of your own life. _

* * *

_ “Natasha! Come on wake up!” Steve pleaded after a mission went a little sideways. “Come on, I can't lose you!” he held the redhead in his arms she was unconscious after being thrown from an explosion and Steve rushed to her immediately. She had some wounds that looked really bad and Steve really wanted to punch something. _

_ “It’s okay,” she said weakly with a cough. “Im fine, just go get the bad guy, Cap.” and she was out again. Steve set her down and four minutes later the mission was complete. They weren't as incognito as originally planned, but they were twice as dangerous. _

_ When they were done Steve immediately went back over to Natasha, scooped her up in his big arms and carried her onto the jet to go back to base. She laid on a hospital stretcher that was for emergencies He sat there waiting occasionally trying to make her wake up until she did. _

_ “Hey, soldier. Don't be so tense. I feel your nervousness and its making it hard to sleep here.” she said with an eye open looking at Steve, who gave a rather loud sigh of relief. _

_ “Okay, you are alright.” he assessed, “How are you feeling.” _

_ “How do you know i'm alright? I could be dying.” Natasha challenged. “And I am doing alright, thank you for asking.” _

_ “I know enough about you, that if you are making annoying quips that you are fine.” _

_ “You know enough about me? Hm Rogers, if you weren't careful, id say you care about me.” _

_ “And I do.” is all he says before they enter the conference room. _

* * *

_ “I care about you too, it's just that I feel like the last time I said those words something bad happened.” Natasha tells Steve as they leave to room together. It's almost lunch so they are heading off to a burger place to kill some time. _

_ “You don't have to be afraid to care about someone.” _

_ “I know, but it's  _ how  _ I care about you. It's different. I can't remember.” she told him, they were walking side by side on a sidewalk that was pretty much empty on their way to the burger place. _

_ “Natasha…” Steve started carefully. “You don't have to be afraid to care about me like that, I understand how you feel.” _

_ “No you don't.” she turned and looked at him, they stopped walking and now they were looking at each other while cars passed by and a few pedestrians walked around them. “I don't know. Last time I felt this something really bad happened but I can't remember. You don't understand Steve, you don't know how I feel. And im pretty sure you don't feel it either.” _

_ “Natasha, sometimes I feel like you are going to get yourself hurt and if that happened it would hurt me too. If you are in pain you don't have to do it alone.” he told her. His hands found themselves on her arms and she just stared up at him before slightly leaning in for something her body getting closer to his before she gasped and walked away. Steve shook his head and followed after her. _

* * *

_ “What do you want me to be?” _

_ “How about a friend?” _

_ I><I><I><I><I><I><I><I _

_ “Bucky?” _

_ “Who the hell is Bucky?” _

* * *

_ The same night Natasha gave Steve the file, she went home to her room and cried. A certain pain stretching across her mind and seeing the Winter Soldiers face started it. She didn't know what she felt but she wanted to see Steve once more before he ran off to find his best friend. _

_ Sudden memories etched themselves in her mind, just a few but they were still there. _

_ She sat on her bed wiping any stray tears and pulled out any extra files she could find on herself, but nothing about the Winter Soldier or James Buchanan Barnes. James. She pulled out her phone and called the only person she wanted to see in that moment. Relief flooded her when Steve picked up and confirmed that he could come to her place. _

_ When he arrived, her eyes were still puffy and she immediately invaded Steve space and wrapped her arms around his waist and cried. He put his arms around her and rubbed small circles on her back. _

_ “Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong?” he tried asking his voice soft like a whisper. _

_ “I think I remember him too.” _

_ “Who?” _

_ “James.” _

_ Then they spent the next hour or so looking through extra shield files and talking trying to break through Natasha’s mind while Steve shed a few tears over Bucky Barnes. The moment was silent, each doing their own things but appreciating the others presence. Natasha’s memories were very sudden, and if she had a say, she would think that the Red Room was easy on her compared to Hydra on James. _

_ “You loved him. More than a friend?” she asked, feeling as if she was invading on something private. All Steve did was nod and scoot closer to Natasha who hugged him and looked up at his face before inching closer.  _

_ “I think I did too.” she also said before placing a gentle kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth. As she was about to pull back Steve moved and closed the short distance between them and they kissed, mouths moving quietly and slowly. The only thing to be heard were the hearts breaking and short breaths of the two avengers. _

* * *

On their own time they occasionally went out to find Barnes and rarely found anything on him. Sometimes they got a lead, other times they actually caught him but he got away before they could move any closer.

It went on like that for months. Tony offered to help and Steve had wanted to say yes but Natasha thought that this was a personal matter and she wanted it to be just her and Steve. But now Steve was inside of a really small apartment while Natasha was keeping watch on the roof, he gut tells her that this will be the same as all other attempts to find James. Steve hasn't reported through comms yet and she is still waiting on the roof. Waiting. Hoping. Then she looks over her shoulder and sees him, trying to go unnoticed walking through a crowd.

“Steve, I see him.”

“Where is he?” his voice cracks through the comm.

“Trying to walk away in a crowd. Should I engage?” she asked ready to go on the word. Natasha got up and is now standing on the edge of the roof. Then she hears Steve sigh.

“No, let's just wait.” he says.

“Wait for what?” 

“He will come to us. I know it.”

Only many more months to wait. When would James decide to come to them?

* * *

Natasha was getting anxious, Steve was going into a depressed state. They shared their intimate moments and went their separate ways. Every now and then the team would assemble for a short mission, it was a good reason to see everyone again. The tower was quiet and calming and Natasha would every now and then go to the roof and stare at the cars passing by below. Clint would come by and comfort her, he was annoying and an idiot but he still cared. 

Steve would go to the training room and knock a few punching bags into the walls and break them open, then sheepishly apologize to Tony who waved it off with a smile and went to reinforce them. Sam was a big help for him, since he was helping a bit and could have a sense of what he was feeling. Every now and then Natasha and Steve would crawl to each others bed and stay awake, not able to fall asleep hoping that the person they were waiting for would show up.

Natasha was hoping for James. Steve was waiting for Bucky. There wasn't a guarantee that they would get either but one could dream.

Natasha would wrap her arms around Steve’s torso and snug her face against his side. Steve would turn and place his big arms around Natashas small frame, and they would sit like that until morning came or they fell asleep in a dangerous peace that most of the time brought nightmares or dreams of what could have been.

Small assurances to each other that he will come. Then they would wake up and go about their days focusing on other things and hiding their vulnerabilities away. Because for Natasha, a mission or a threat doesn't wait. And for Steve, is always looking for something to do, and the majority of the time, he knows what he wants.

* * *

The Winter Soldier always knew what he was doing, so did James and so did Bucky. He could say that they were the same person, but he was only half of himself when he was James and he was basically locked in the trunk with the Winter Soldier driving when he came out.

Bucky was his main self, and he knew for a fact that he is starting to get every memory back, and Steve Rogers was in every single one. He would be lying if he said he didn't miss him or want to leave him behind. 

James was the man he was when he was with Natasha. Somehow he gotta keep those memories. Even if he was part Winter Soldier and part Bucky Barnes, that was probably the middle ground and he missed Natasha as well. He knew for a fact that he loved both of them at some point in his long life. He only remembers a few things as the Winter Soldier though, and those are his worst memories and he hates the days when they come in, like a rock being bashed around the inside of his head. The Winter Soldier though, remembers both Natasha and Steve and that is what brought him to where he is right now.

Contemplating if he will go back to them or not. He is slowly tipping towards going to them though. Bucky or James or whatever he was these days knew that the two avengers where looking for him, but he also knew that they had stopped and were waiting for him to come back to them.

And that sounded really nice. Being alone sucked, especially if he could get help. So he made a decision to go to them.

* * *

It wasn't hard to track Steve’s daily routine. Natasha was a little harder, but he knew her enough to figure out her pattern. So he stood at the foot of the tall Avengers tower, he moved to go stand in the darkness of a nearby alley and he took in a deep breath.

Then, his deep breaths turned into panicked sucks of air and he turned and ran from everything back to a dark room where he continued to hide.

* * *

“Do you know what happened today? While we were in the gym?” Steve approached Natasha who was drying her wet hair from a shower in her room. She shook her head in confusion and straightened her back a bit.

“He came to the tower.” he told her and Natasha dropped her towel and her eyes showed no emotion. “Tony, told me. Said there was inconspicuous behavior that alerted security measures in JARVIS’ coding.

“He left didn't he? Overwhelmed?” she guessed and threw her towel on the bed as she stood up. “You still sure we should wait?”

Steve hesitated as he sat on the edge of her bed and placed his hands in his lap. He fidgeted a bit with his shirt and fingers before looking up at Natasha.

“I honestly don't know.” his shoulders sagged and his breath came out deep and he shook his head. “It's been months of waiting, and when he shows up finally, he turns and leaves.”

“Well, I don't know about you,” Natasha started, she sat down beside Steve “but i'm going after him tomorrow. He forgets that i'm an ex Russian spy and old habits die hard. I have questions and I will be finding my answers soon Rogers, my other question is are you coming with me or not?”

Steve gave a long sigh and nodded his head his eyes getting heavy with exhaustion. He really is running out of options any ways, so they might as well try again.

* * *

“What are you doing here.” Bucky stands on his guard looking at Steve in his small room. He didn't see Steve follow him, or enter his room.

“It took a while but we decided to come after you once we got a good enough lead.” Steve replied, not mentioning that they got Tony’s help to track him down.

“Is she here?” he asked flexing his metal hand.

“Yeah, she’s keeping cover on the roof.” he replied setting his shield down on the floor and walking towards Bucky calmly.

“Why did you come here?” he asks, hesitantly stepping forward.

“Missed you.” Steve tells Bucky, as if it's that simple. Steve stops walking towards Bucky and stands a few feet away from him. His hand starts to reach for Bucky but at the last second he pulls it back and keeps it steady at his side.

“You don't even know if its still me.” Bucky knows Steve is stubborn, whether he wants to go or not, Steve wont leave him now. However it depends on how he answers this statement to see if he is worth keeping around. Bucky knows he might not be  _ Bucky  _ anymore than he would be  _ James _ , and he would be lying if he said it doesn't hurt at all knowing what he would have lost between two people.

“It doesn't matter, we can help you.” the desperateness in Steve’s voice sounds so broken from the national icon that people think he is, it's far from confident and assured and it kind of soothes Bucky to know that it is just for him in this moment. What Steve actually feels for him.

“I remember you.” is all he tells him with a short nod.

“I could never forget you.” is what Steve replies with. “It was you and me, ‘til the end of the line. I could never forget you Buck.” and this time Steve steps forward until he is fully in Bucky’s space. Bucky is about to step back from being crowded and just having the spy genes in him to keep distance but instead he mentally kicks himself for wanting to run from Steve and he holds his ground. Now though, Steve is really close. Bucky feels as if he is moving too fast, his memories with Steve and Natalia and the pain from Hydra wanting him to stop. He doesn't know what to feel right now. But he stays and Steve’s hand is now resting on his arm.

“I remember the Natalia too,” he admitted, his breath coming out a bit short. “I think, I might miss you guys.”

“We miss you too. I really hope you know that. It’s killing Natasha right now that she can't be here.”

“I feel empty.” he concluded.

“You don't have to. You can come back to the tower with us.” Steve pleaded, his voice growing back strong from the broken tone from earlier.

“Alright then.” Bucky sighed, he slouched in on himself as he sat down on the bed nearby. “Lets go.”

* * *

“I don't know who I am.” Bucky says turning away from them. “Or who you want me to be.” they could see him drag his metal hand down his face in exhaustion. This time around he was in Steve’s room. He was sitting on the bed beside Steve and Natalia was on the floor in the corner. They haven't spoken yet, but they knew each other enough to see what they felt when they made eye contact. Longing, patience, love, heartbreak, pain, affection, and each one made Bucky feel comfortable while giving him an urge to run again.

“We want you to be you,” Steve said. “Natasha and I love you however you want to be. You are who you want to be and we will still be here. None of us are going to walk out on you.”

Bucky’s hands sat in his lap and he was staring at them while he fidgeted thinking about his next move. He could tell that Steve was anxious to get some sort of touch or assurance of reciprocated feelings, but he didn't know what Natasha was feeling quite yet.

“Natalia?” he asked looking up from his hands and reaching out. Natasha was startled but she got up and slowly stepped towards him.

“James.” was her only reply but she knelt down in front of him and tentatively placed her hands on his knees in front of her.

“Nothing lasts forever?” he questioned. But Natasha gave him a beautiful smile and looked into his eyes and said,

“This does James. All three of us will last forever.” she told him with confidence and from her position she wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck waited for him to do the same. 

Steve watched a single tear slide down Bucky’s face and he wanted nothing more than to kiss it away. He felt as if he was intruding on their moment until Natasha broke away from James and turned to him. She leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before she quietly left the room.

* * *

It's been three long months of hesitant touches and smiles and resurfacing memories in the tower. Bucky becoming himself again. Or as much of himself as he could be. It was a mix between ‘James’ and ‘Bucky’ and it was perfect. He became more charismatic, charming, intelligent but still having all of his spy aspect, even if he didn't like that part.

Natasha would kiss him on the cheek and Steve would hug him and their lips would brush slightly before Steve pulled away from thinking he was invading Bucky’s space. He would see Natasha and Steve share intimate touches and kiss and cuddle and he would be honest when he said he was a little bit jealous that he didn't get that yet. Bucky just played it off though and teased Steve about it and watch Steve go red and apologetic but it didn't really mask his jealousy that much. Well he was jealous until he realized that they were waiting for him to initiate those connecting touches. 

Three months of continuous conversations, sometimes they would curl into one of their beds to sleep from night terrors or loneliness. Bucky felt more lonely though as he realized he missed being able to give loving touches to Steve and Natalia. It was one of those nights when he decided to take that step. All three of them curled in Natasha’s bed, Natasha in the middle of the two super soldier and the room was dark, but Bucky could hear Steve’s breaths and could tell that he was still awake.

“Stevie?” he asked, hoping to get a response.

“Yeah Buck?” Steve responded with and Bucky searched the bed to find his hand. Their fingers curled together, skin and clean metal. Using this, he pulled Steve’s hand forward so his body would shift forward and though it slightly squashed Natasha forward a bit Steve was in kissing distance and his face close to Bucky’s over Natasha's head. “What’re you d-”

And Bucky cut him off when he connected their lips slowly. Steve quickly got with the program and kissed back, moving his lips fluently with Bucky's and quiet breaths filling the dark room. Lips were parting open and reconnecting and being tugged at by teeth before both parties pulled away from each other.

Bucky leaned back and left a lingering kiss on Natasha’s forehead and wrapped his arms over her body so they could touch Steve’s waist, and Steve moved in closer.

* * *

“I heard you boys messing around last night.” Natasha said to Bucky when he woke up the next morning.

“You weren't asleep?” he asked.

“Nope. But I must say, you are making me feel rather neglected.” she joked with him and snuggled against him under the covers, Steve was gone out for a morning run with Sam and apparently didn't bother to wake Bucky up for it.

“Didn't want to wake you  кролик.” a smile crossed Bucky’s face and he moved in closer to Natasha.

“I hate it when you call me that.” Natasha shook her head at the pet name calling her a bunny before looking up and getting what she missed out on the night before. This kiss was more fast paced but still held the sweetness and longing in it which made it worth everything that Bucky had missed.

* * *

The three stayed together that day, sharing soft touches and glances with each other with smiles.

Steve wasn't even surprised when he went back to the room and saw Nat and Bucky being close, all he did was move up against Natasha and join in with the two, knowing that there was enough room. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> my [tumblr](https://tipsytonys.tumblr.com/) for marvel shitposts and memes


End file.
